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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27541699">Mann Gegen Mann</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ni21/pseuds/ni21'>ni21</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Slurs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 19:48:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27541699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ni21/pseuds/ni21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanji saw something, learned something that he shouldn't have. It changes everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hallo and welcome!</p><p>Now, readers who know me and follow my other work will stand there and think "What the actual fuck? Isn't she on break? This is the fourth upload this week!"<br/>Well... yes. But I'm doing good right now, I kinda understand that the quality of my writing can't be measured in comments and kudos, at least not in a way that should be relevant to me and I am also pretty much high on kudos and some very amazing comments that make me think every word I type is actually worth it, so if this flops, I'll be good.</p><p>This is kind of an interest check. I've had this lying in my drive since... August (?!) and was too chicken to post it so... I've had a good week. If y'all think this idea is crap and has no future that's fine, don't hold back. If you like it, even better, let me know and I'll see what my brain can come up with in the future.</p><p><strong>Read the tags before you continue.</strong> It's not <em>nice</em>, actually this is pretty ugly and if you think I should pursue it, it'll probably get a lot more ugly before it gets any form of nice.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sometimes, the rhythmic gliding and the soft clack-clack of his impeccably sharp knives on the cutting board were more soothing to him than any cigarette could ever be. Sometimes even that wasn't enough, and he'd find a way to start a fight with the good for nothing Marimo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes wasn't this time. This time he only had his cigarettes and the vast stillness of the ocean to turn to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It has been five days since they had left the last island behind, and also five days since he had had a good night's sleep or been able to relax while cooking. He dreaded it, in fact. The perfect balance of his knives, their skillfully crafted precision, the danger lurking in their hard and unforgiving beauty… all tainted because of one shitty Marimo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's been six days since he'd learned that their resident swordsman was gay and also six days since he'd learned that he was not fit to be the chef of the future pirate king, who generally welcomed everyone with open arms, no matter their origin or orientation or what the fuck ever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn't thought much of it when he'd seen that stranger in the town square call after the Marimo. Had thought it was just another bounty hunter trying his luck but the shitty bastard hadn't reacted as he should. In fact, he'd turned around seized him up and fucking followed the man. It had confused him enough to follow, to see. He sure as fuck had known when they'd vanished into one of those hourly inns and he could admit to himself that he had never been more disgusted by the swordsman ever before. But he'd also very much been disgusted by himself, that reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a deep inhale of his, what? 3rd cigarette this morning, he banged his head against the wall to the kitchen. Fucking hell, prejudice like this had no place on Luffy's ship. He knew that. He knew the shitty Marimo was still the same bastard he was before. He knew that he'd been gay before he'd known, nothing was different apart from the fact that he knew now. It changed everything though, couldn't look the man in the eye anymore, felt the bile rise just looking at his knives because he knew they were in the magnificent shape they were because the damn fag– fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck was even wrong with him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was much worse than his time with the ookama. Why? The shitty bastard was much more subtle than they were, there was absolutely no reason to think differently about him now. Why was he more revolting than them? Shit. What if they were attacked now, could he even fight side by side with him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needed help. Actually, he should talk with the shitty bastard himself but he wasn't ready for that, he knew that much. It was normal for them to fight and bicker, and he was pretty damn sure that the times they actually called each other by names instead of insults were countable on one hand, insults were normal for them. But. Not the words that screamed loudly in his head when he thought about him now. He fucking knew those words weren't alright. Ivankov would have his head for even thinking them… His crew probably too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When did he become such an ugly person? All the shitty Marimo's fault, if he were normal– fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You seem troubled lately."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit! Yeah, he did. Fucking fag ruined ev– He sighed, put out his cigarette and turned to his beautiful crewmate and for some reason couldn't bring up the energy to properly greet her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry, Robin, I'll have your coffee ready in a moment," he excused himself to enter the kitchen. A sigh on his lips. Of course his beautiful Robin-chwan had noticed, she noticed everything because she was just perfect like that. By now he was pretty sure everyone had noticed though, but for Robin to actually address it? He had to be a mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a fresh kitchen towel, he dried his washed hands and got to work on the coffee, just barely registering that the beauty had followed him. The motions he went through were automatic, the flip of the thermometer to rid it from the barely cooled water, the perfect temperature for that blend, the soft circles that he poured the water over the freshly ground grains. The aroma bloomed throughout the kitchen tickling his nose just perfectly and he sighed in unison with his beautiful lady, who'd taken her seat at the kitchen table. At least he was still functioning for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you want to talk about it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hell no! What the fuck was he supposed to tell her? There was no way he could let that angel, that light of his day, know about the ugliness rearing inside of him. No, he couldn't taint her with that! All the filthy words screaming in his head… she had gone through name-calling. She would have every right to detest him if she knew what was going on inside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But. But maybe, she was the perfect person to talk to? He knew she was not judgemental, a kind soul despite the hate she had endured. And maybe the most important part, she knew the idiot Marimo. They spent hours together in the crow's nest, far away from the ruckus of the crew. In fact, they spent so much time together up there that he had been eaten alive with jealousy more than once. If not for Usopp's calming voice that an utter buffoon like the shitty swordsman would never be able to hold the beautiful genius' attention enough for romance to occur, and surely a classy woman like Robin wouldn't settle for something casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scoffed, no way the shitty swordsman knew how to please a lady. Wait. Maybe he could see it as a good thing? As much as it disgusted him </span>
  <em>
    <span>despite</span>
  </em>
  <span> knowing that it shouldn't matter, the shitty bastard being gay could work in his favour. It wasn't exactly a secret that women were interested in him, that there was something about the barbarian that attracted them. Yeah, he definitely should try to look at the bright side. One less competitor for all the beautiful ladies they’d meet and lived with. Perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why wouldn't that bone-deep disgust go away then?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you know," he started, setting down two cups of coffee on the table, "that Zoro is gay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched her like a hawk because he knew how well she could hide when she wanted to, which thankfully happened a lot less ever since Eines Lobby, but she still utilized that skill every now and then. He expected this to be one of those occasions, expected her to put on that mask of friendly indifference, but she didn't. Her beautiful, striking blue eyes softened, her impeccably trimmed eyebrows creased in obvious worry and concern. Damn, was that pity? She knew what was going on inside him, didn't she?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, she didn’t answer his question. Of course, she had known, instead, she settled for a smile. That encouraging smile she always had for him when he needed to talk, when he needed a break, when he needed to vent in a nonphysical way. Every day he did his best to help his crew, not just as their cook, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>saw </span>
  </em>
  <span>them. Their pain, their worry, and he was there, it wasn’t much he could provide, but if he could take their worry off their chests, he would do so. It didn’t cost him anything after all, a few encouraging words, a nod of understanding. They were a team usually, the shitty Marimo and him. Both cared for the stability of the crew, both held them together, in their own ways, but if he needed the subtle emotional support that was usually dealt by him, it was Robin who was there for him. Always and without fail, with a gentle smile of encouragement and for a long time he had felt so, so guilty for using his beautiful angel’s kindness like that. Not anymore, in fact now he felt bad for ever even thinking she only offered it because he had been the one to go after her on Water 7. How disgusting of him to assume it was just repayment and not the goodness of her heart. Just another thing to be ashamed about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should talk to him,” she said after his silence, cautiously as if she feared he’d lash out at her. At her of all people, was he really unhinged enough lately that even one of his beloved crew would- yes he was. He knew that. Fuck when was the last time he’d prepared the two of them a spontaneous desert? A relaxing drink for the goddesses lounging on the lawn deck? Shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed, drank an almost cold sip of coffee. “I can’t.” He would love to leave it at that, but one perfect eyebrow rose in question and he knew he had to elaborate. Not because she couldn’t understand him, of course she did, but because she wanted to hear it. “I can’t, just thinking of him makes me want to vomit. I know it’s wrong! Robin, I know this is horrible, I’m horrible I- Robin I think I have to leave the c-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will not.” Her voice was stern as she interrupted him. Her beautiful blue eyes darkened with fierce determination. “I know you hurt, Sanji, I can see it when you look at him, but I also see the fight inside you. You will win and you will not leave us again. Am I clear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She– she'd never spoken with him like that before...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Robin-chwan…" He couldn't. No, he couldn't stay, not like this, but Robin-chwan… to disappoint his beautiful ang–</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soft hands around his own, oh god, Robin had to have the softest hands on earth! How could he disappoint her so?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sanji, we're family. Zoro has always been like this, you know this and we can wait for you to actually realize," she said, encouraging smile on her beautiful lips and he knew six days ago he would have reacted very differently to the radiance that was smiling Robin, but right now? With everything screaming inside his head? Doubts and hate, her smile wasn't attracting him, her acceptance was a warm woolly blanket in a harsh storm at sea. This was going to be alright. He'd figure this out. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, like I said, no idea if this is worth pursuing, so let me know, both opinions are welcome to share.</p><p>Huge thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Red/pseuds/Lady_Red">Lady_Red</a> for beta reading. Definitely check out her work if you're into Dragon Ball... Or if you aren't and just want quality writing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's been <strike>half a year</strike> two weeks and Sanji very obviously hadn't figured it out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hallo and welcome back!</p><p>I'm just as surprised as you are, I guarantee!</p><p>Beware this chapter does a dive into a homophobic mind and we're nowhere near getting better so if you get triggered by that maybe drop it now💚</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It's been two weeks and he very obviously hadn't figured it out, hands clutching the ceramic as his stomach heaved on nothing. All just because he had woken up to seeing the shitty Marimo all cuddled up in one bunk with their captain. Was Luffy like that too? No. Fucking shit, get your act together! They cuddled all the damn time and it had nothing to do with any of that. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Every single one of them had issues. Trauma following them from childhood, trauma they experienced on their travels. Nami-swan, Robin-chwan, Chopper, Brook, and Luffy most of all, at least since Marine ford. All of them had to deal with loss, the constant fear of losing their loved ones, betrayal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zoro was big and warm and safe. Zoro was the one they came to when the nightmares kept them awake and in his arms against his chest they'd sleep tight and worry free because he was there and cocooned them in everything they had now. The warmth of family, the smell of salt and sweat that came with life at sea… algae… it was normal. It happened all the time. There was absolutely no reason to see it differently now. None whatsoever except for the fact that every fucking interaction was tainted now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit shit shit. He could not go back in there. Actually, he was pretty sure he couldn’t even stay on the ship, but he was well aware that Robin would drag him back if he attempted to leave them again. It really wasn’t fair. None of this was fair, damn it. This wasn’t an ‘I leave the crew for their sakes’ kind of situation. How could she demand he suffered like this? How could his sweet angel be so cruel?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Damn it. Fuck. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>had to</span>
  </em>
  <span> leave. Cursing Robin like this. What the fuck was wrong with him? This wasn’t who he was. Was all the damn shitty Marimo’s fault. That fucking faggot ruined things for him! Fuck. No. Shit, what was it Robin had said? Yeah, Marimo has always been like that, nothing changed just because he knew that now. It really fucking did though. And if he couldn’t deal with that.. One of them had to go and he was pretty damn fuckng sure that it shouldn’t be Zoro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luffy wouldn’t let him go. Either of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luffy would come after him and… Fuck, he couldn’t explain shit like that to Luffy. He just didn’t have the capacity to understand. Luffy never cared about shit like that. Luffy probably didn’t even understand the concept, fuck!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned back against the wall, and with a sigh padded himself down for a cigarette. Of fucking course, he didn’t have one right out the bed. Hugging his legs to himself, he rest his head on his knees. Wasn’t fair that he was fucking stuck here. Fuck, Sunny was home, Sunny should feel safe. But he was constantly on edge always ready to fucking bolt as soon as the dumbass came close. Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Usopp would hide behind him, the way he allowed the sharpshooter to move his arms and imitate him to intimidate a shitty seaking that didn’t even understand a word. Fuck, he’d liked that, had mentioned to Nami-swan what a damn softie the grump was and now? Now he couldn’t help but feel the bile rise at all the possible ulterior motives the shithead might have had for such an interaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way he’d loop his arm around Law’s neck during victory celebrations, making the tall man look tiny in comparison to his broad built, huge smile on his shitty face and a jug of booze in his hand? Maybe it wasn’t just victory and the hype of a proper fight but a hook up? He banged his head against the wall behind him. Fuck whenever they vanished he’d always just assumed it was too much for the introverted surgeon and the dumbass was just lost once again. Now? If he saw them together like that now he’d probably puke his guts out over Sunny’s side. Shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way their captain constantly wrapped himself around him, draped himself over him? Fuck, Luffy was so naive and innocent and that dirty bastard had his hands all over the boy. Fucking pig. Fuck, Luffy probably didn’t even know what he was doing!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another bang against the wall. What the fuck. He fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> how loyal Zoro was. How he’d never do anything to hurt them. He’d been fucking prepared to die for Luffy, damn it, and not because he felt like was expendable. Not really. Asshole had way too big an ego to think he wasn’t worth living or sailing with Luffy. Shit, it was their whole deal, because the future pirate king only deserved the best swordsman in the world so like hell had his sacrifi- Shit, was that it? Was the bastard in love with Luffy?</span>
</p><p><span>Shit, was no use to wreck his brain over whatever shitty motives he may have. It shouldn’t matter, he </span><em><span>knew</span></em><span> that even if he was in love with the boy he wouldn’t actually make a move </span><em><span>because</span></em><span> Luffy’s happiness was his first priority. </span><em><span>Because</span></em> <span>making a move on a naive kid that didn’t know any of those things would be so wrong, so dishonorable. Shithead would never do that. He </span><em><span>knew</span></em><span> that. Then why did the image of them curled up together in the Marimo’s bunk make him so sick?</span></p><p>
  <span>Shit. He should just make breakfast and get back into routine. This shit would pass. It had to pass. It absolutely had to. Shit.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew that was tough. I actually had an argument with a friend about this chapter. She said it's too stereotypical but unfortunately I've heard all those "concerns" before by horribly conserved parents, because apparently that's what them gays do, predate on children even if they are children themselves...<br/>Is this fic me coping in a non violent way for parent teacher meetings? Maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p>Huge thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusenthusiast/pseuds/siriusenthusiast">siriusenthusiast</a> for the beta, she also wrote a cute little <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531832">Zosan fic called Better</a> which you should definitely check out if you haven't yet💚</p><p>See you all in a year or so for the next chapter😅</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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